Showing posts with label hillary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hillary. Show all posts

Friday, May 23, 2008

Hillary as VP? Maybe Not...

Head of State: The Reasons That Hillary Should Not Be Vice President

Regarding Hillary Clinton as Barack Obama's running mate.

Originally, this seemed to be a potentially plausible choice--and if presented in the following way, could turn her divisive campaign into a potential coup as a VP candidate. The thinking was the following:

Hillary has run a divisive campaign. Now, just as the nation should mend its divisions in favor a greater unity that would serve the greater needs of our country, so now they would explicitly put these divisions behind them, in the interests of the unity that this nation, after a bitter and divisive Administration, is so in need of. This would serve as a powerful and vibrant example of the very ability to unify that Obama both offers and represents.

However, this would require a candidate that was willing to take such a position of relative shared selflessness in the interests of a greater good--while the Vice Presidency certainly offers its honors (now far beyond the "warm pitcher" of John Vance Garner's famous phrase) and positioning for later Presidential aspirations, such a plan would require the ability to think in terms of a shared effort based on the betterment of the nation, rather than in more grasping, combative and singular terms.

The Clinton camp's behavior over this past week has made such a positive scenario clearly untenable, showcasing the same characteristics that have signified her campaign throughout its long, chaotic, march--its contradictions of previous statements when such changes have a slight possibility of adding a week or two of vitality, its sudden and implausible use of populists guises and specious historical parallels for transparently opportunistic purposes, its near-hallucinogenic transmogrifications of personality and central bases for further continuation, and the central campaign tendency to place personal attainment over virtually all values that lay in its path.

These characteristics--self over nation, positioning over a consistent presentation of position, values and even self, the willingness to put personal viability over the need to transcend and transform the vast wreckage of state and international relations that remain at this critical time--are as present now, at a moment when wisdom rather than a remorseless, obdurate desperation could fill this gap, as they have been throughout much of the campaign. They would continue to make themselves present during a campaign for vice president, complicating, diminishing and often distracting, in trivial internecine battles, the message of unity and change.

Perhaps Clinton could adopt a more unifying and integrated and less grasping position on the VP subject. However, thus far, the actions of the Clinton camp have made it clear: It's time to clean the slate. Hillary Clinton should not be the Vice Presidential candidate.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Hillary Sacrifices For You

Monday, April 14, 2008

Things Hillary Clinton Would Do To Become President

In order to become President, Hillary Clinton would...

- undergo torture
- slip Dick Cheney the tongue
- eat hair out of the shower drain
- sit on a porcupine
- invent a fictitious black grandparent
- swim across the Arctic ocean
- become a Republican
- become a Libertarian
- become a Socialist
- become a Communist
- become a Whig
- try out for American Idol
- shoot herself in the forearm
- bear the child of a Superdelegate
- sell Chelsea to gypsies
- eat a banana peel
- iron your shirt
- step on a rusty nail
- sleep with Fidel Castro
- watch "Gigli" on loop for four days
- pour acid on her skin
- attempt to escape actual sniper fire by Bosnian militants with no running start
- shave her eyebrows
- disavow pantsuits
- stare down an angry rhinoceros
- admit that perhaps she might have sort of conditionally been a hair of a smidge wrong for voting for the Iraq war but really only kinda sort of wrong if you look at it from the right perspective and take into account the facts of the time which were not at all straightforward and really hypothetically if she had been president at the time she not only would have not made the same decision she might not have even been partly wrong about the fact that she voted incorrectly that is to say if her vote was incorrect in the first place given the facts on the ground at the time and actually if you want to get technical about it she was not president and was only a senator making a potentially and possibly ill-advised vote if you want to look at it in that fashion but really it was not that kind of a vote
- clip Rush Limbaugh's toenails
- become a Wiccan
- stand in line at Target to get you a Wii
- donate both kidneys
- eat nothing but Big Macs for two months
- fire a shotgun at reporters to demonstrate love of 2nd Amendment
- release her tax records
- lie down in a busy intersection
- walk 500 miles
- work as a rodeo clown
- be an actress in a Herpes medication ad
- agree to be bitten by a rattlesnake
- walk naked through Baghdad
- cry
- join The View
- kick Howard Dean in the nuts
- change her last name to Bush
- start her own country
- hike across the Gobi desert with no water
- smash a beer bottle over her head
- become Obama's Vice-President, then murder him
- sell her soul to anyone buying
- marry Bill Clinton